I know that one day God will bless me with a partner in this life.
I know that there will be prospects and that I have been given the gift of discernment for a reason. I have been given freedom of choice, like everyone else- and I know that loving someone isn't about a feeling, but about making a choice. I think that over the past several months, through different people, God is showing me who I truly desire that person to be. Not showing me as in, "I can point him out to you- his name is Allen...". He's slowly revealing to me the qualities and character of the man that I want to choose to spend my days with- and I hope and pray that he'll want to choose me, too!
I was at dinner with a good friend not too long ago, and he said something to me that struck a chord deep in my heart. He said something that I will not soon forget. Something that I will hold close and place near the very top of my "check list" of what I want in a partner.
I had just finished telling this friend that sometimes I think that I'm ready to find that person- but when there's "real" potential {probably mostly imagined potential...} I freeze up. I create a barrier because I'm terrified that this potential person- after putting time and energy into a deep meaningful relationship- will decide to stop loving me. I'm terrified of being left alone.
We've both had a fair amount of heartache in this life, and we both know what it is to be truly broken- so when he said what he did- I know it to be genuine.
My friend first told me that we're designed for companionship. It's part of the process to becoming like minded. God created relationships so we could become more like Him- giving us the opportunity to daily choose to love. Even when we don't feel it. He told me that I was not made to parent on my own. That does not mean that it can't be done. There are so many people that have done it, and are doing it alone! But parenthood was not designed for one.
A little further into the conversation he told me how his experience of heartache had a ripple effect on almost every relationship that he had built over the course of his entire adult life. Relationships that he had once thought would not be effected beyond repair were now a memory. And then, this. What he said next was so simple, but I will never forget how raw and genuine his words were. He said something like this, "When I hear that my friends are splitting up- I get sad. I can't explain it. Inside I ache because I know. I know that it doesn't only effect the two that are splitting- it divides everyone. It just makes me sad."
That. I want that kind of a man. One that takes on the character of God. I want someone that practices stepping outside of himself to look at the bigger picture.
"Break my heart for what breaks Yours. Show me how to love like You have loved me."
It's something that I've known all along- that I desire to be with someone with a heart that seeks God. But hearing what was said with the emotion behind it helped me to realize that God does have that kind of a person for me. And that there are men out there that are actively pursuing a life that pleases God. A life rooted in love. He's out there. I know it.
