LOUD NOISES. {I don't know. I just didn't feel like thinking of something serious.}

Here I am. Once again - feeling like the lesson of my life is to learn to TRUST. A five letter word that seems impossible to wholly grasp. 

I've foolishly trusted. I've withheld trust. I've questioned trust. I'm hard pressed to find the formula to trust without reserve. I have been through pain. It's a feeling I know all too well - and I don't like it. {shocking, right?!} And the logic is that protecting what has been hurt is the only way to avoid more pain, no? I read an article this week speaking to the particular kind of trust that's at work in my life. You can read it HERE if you're interested. {It's worth it} This article told me to 'go all in for love'. Why the HELL would I do that?? I've tried that. It has only brought me pain. Hmm... the truth is that I've gone 'all in' for humanity. I haven't practiced going all in for the one that created me.  

 1 John 4:18 “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” 

I don't know about your trust issues, but mine are driven by my fear. The fear that I will get hurt again. The fear that I'm not enough. The fear that I'm too much. The fear that I don't look the part. The fear that I'm not smart enough. The list goes on. Love and trust is NOT meant to be fearful. It is meant to be whole and pure. We are designed to love and trust our savior FIRST - and all else will fall into place. When I can finally do that - when I can trust Him completely with every part of my life, only then will I be able to love others the way God has designed me to. I want you to know, that even as I sit here with my giant cup o' joe, writing this - I can't wrap my brain around it. Perfect love drives out fear... Is it even possible to achieve 'perfect love'? Well no, not for us. But God loves us with pure and perfect love. Jesus set the tone by coming to earth as an example of how we should live. 

 “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will” (Matthew 26:42). His whole life was dedicated to making us whole; He loved us with His mind, body, heart and strength so that we might also be able to love wholly.

Even when he knew that he was going to be murdered, He prayed to God, 'Yet not as I will, but as you will.'  Man - I'm not there, friends. That is the perfect example of trust. 

I tend to worry and 'future trip' - if you will. I let my mind race and get ahead of me. So for now, I will practice dealing with today. One step at a time. Trusting that God has a specific plan for my life. One even greater than I could imagine.

One thing is for certain - I know what I want, but knowing what I want and God's plan could be two VERY different things. Time will tell. {Or so I'm told. I'm going to trust that this tid bit is true. :)}