Friday, December 14, 2012

processing slowly.

I am still, slowly learning to "trust the process" as well as Gods timing. I have no idea what He has up His sleeve for my little family-- but I know it's what's best for us. The process is grueling, but I think it has potential to be worth it. I could be way off. I'm choosing to stay optimistic! He'll bring me someone that REALLY wants to PURSUE me. Just me. Someone that will love me with every ounce of his being. Someone that will love my boys as if they were his. Someone that's willing to walk along side me everyday no matter what kind of crazy happens. My life is unique and NOT simple. It's going to take a special kind of person to embrace the quirks. {yep, I'm exhausted and trying to convince myself that this is all possible. Knew you'd catch on. Delirious Angela is writing-- coherent Ang will probably delete this tomorrow.}

"Far far greater things ahead than ANY we leave behind."

Trusting the process. Living intentionally. Loving WELL.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

give me vision

Over and over, I am reminded that God is in control. Often, the reminder comes in times when I feel like an island.

The spirit of Christmas is upon us. I absolutely love this time of year. The air is FILLED with magic! The lights throughout the neighborhood, picking out the perfect tree, drinking hot spiced cider{with whiskey- duh}. There is an undeniable feeling of pure JOY that takes over in December.

However, there is always a "yin" to the "yang". The holiday's in our house, come with heavy hearts. As the decorations come out of the closets, we find them safely tucked away with the belongings of loved ones. Letters, ornaments, pictures, ball caps - even our classic Christmas movie collection is a heart wrenching reminder. SO much of what once was, and what will never be again. Someone told me that the second year would be harder than the first. They were right.

My heart aches. It aches because I want to protect my kids from the pain they feel. I just want to be able to tell them that everything will be alright, and actually have it FEEL alright. To me, nothing of their little lives seems fair. A lot of the unfair is my own, selfish fault -- but the most recent of which was completely out of my control. I daily have to remind myself, that even in THIS- God has a plan. HE is in control. Especially when I'm feeling like an island. Isolated.

I've learned that in times such as this, He is teaching me the most. This is when He is making me into the woman that He has designed me to be.

This lyric resonates in my mind as I type:

"God I look to you, I won't be overwhelmed. Give me vision to see things like You do. You're where my help comes from. Give me wisdom -- you know just what to do."

I don't have a happy, "and then the bright Christmas light appeared making everything dandy" ending for this one, yet. I'm still an island. But I'm choosing to be a content island. I am content. I won't be overwhelmed. Give me vision to see things like You do.