Thursday, December 6, 2012

give me vision

Over and over, I am reminded that God is in control. Often, the reminder comes in times when I feel like an island.

The spirit of Christmas is upon us. I absolutely love this time of year. The air is FILLED with magic! The lights throughout the neighborhood, picking out the perfect tree, drinking hot spiced cider{with whiskey- duh}. There is an undeniable feeling of pure JOY that takes over in December.

However, there is always a "yin" to the "yang". The holiday's in our house, come with heavy hearts. As the decorations come out of the closets, we find them safely tucked away with the belongings of loved ones. Letters, ornaments, pictures, ball caps - even our classic Christmas movie collection is a heart wrenching reminder. SO much of what once was, and what will never be again. Someone told me that the second year would be harder than the first. They were right.

My heart aches. It aches because I want to protect my kids from the pain they feel. I just want to be able to tell them that everything will be alright, and actually have it FEEL alright. To me, nothing of their little lives seems fair. A lot of the unfair is my own, selfish fault -- but the most recent of which was completely out of my control. I daily have to remind myself, that even in THIS- God has a plan. HE is in control. Especially when I'm feeling like an island. Isolated.

I've learned that in times such as this, He is teaching me the most. This is when He is making me into the woman that He has designed me to be.

This lyric resonates in my mind as I type:

"God I look to you, I won't be overwhelmed. Give me vision to see things like You do. You're where my help comes from. Give me wisdom -- you know just what to do."

I don't have a happy, "and then the bright Christmas light appeared making everything dandy" ending for this one, yet. I'm still an island. But I'm choosing to be a content island. I am content. I won't be overwhelmed. Give me vision to see things like You do.

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