Sunday, December 4, 2011

so big. so good.

My God is so much bigger than I allow Him to be.
Time and time again, I desperately try to bury my heart deep in the love of Jesus, and every time I realize that I have done just the opposite. I have barricaded my heart in my own form of electric fence reinforced by brick and extra poky barbed wire. I have put it through enough. To give it to another would be foolish. Even if it is the God of the Universe. I have JUST reached a place where it feels healed. How could I entrust it to anyone else. Relationships, in every sense of the word, are a vulnerable thing. When I say 'relationship' - by no means am I limiting this to one between a man and a woman. EVERY relationship is an investment. Whether it be a best friend, an acquaintance, a family member, a pet - you have allowed that person/thing into your life knowing that seasons change. Life happens, friends come and go - and the reality of that is sometimes it hurts.
A result of protecting my OWN heart, is a wedge in my relationship with God. It's showing Him that I don't fully trust Him with my life. When really, I wouldn't have life without Him! No joke. I want to trust that He will protect - in a sense that He'll teach me to turn to Him when I've been hurt. Sometimes being vulnerable backfires on us - to know that He's there to mend is exactly what I need.
My God has my best interest in mind. I am SO good at putting on the breaks, and shutting people out when I fear there is potential for hurt. I know that everyone that He has brought into my life plays a role in shaping the person He wants me to become! And I HAVE to trust. I have to.
Trust. Don't limit the abilities of the Creator of the Universe.

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