Sunday, February 10, 2013

i have so much i want to say, but this'll do for now

Letting people into my world is something that I have a difficult time doing. 

I'm good at telling my story. I'm good at removing the emotion from the words. I'm good at that, and I don't think that's, well... good. 

You see, I have this fear of being hurt. I fear that if I let my guard down, people will see me for the hodge podge mess that I am. I fear they'll decide my life isn't for them to invest in. I fear that if my reality alters their reality- in any way- I'm the one to blame. I fear that it'll be held against me at some point, maybe even years down the road. 

I am afraid of feeling vulnerable. So, I don't. 

I'm at a crossroads. 

Relationships. They are about being transparent. About being a real person. Authentic and vulnerable.  They're about investing TIME and ENERGY. They're about tearing down the facade. Iron sharpens iron, no? It's about living intentionally. Loving well. 

I'm wrestling with some stuff. I don't quite know how, but I'm working my way out of this box.

1 comment:

  1. I so feel you Angela. It's scary, but it's worth it. I opened myself up in ways last year I never have before and while it wasn't happily ever after, and in fact ended up exactly how I predicted, I don't regret it because I tried something new and survived it.

    But I am exactly the same way. And it's difficult to change that, praying for you :)