Drained

Do you ever have those "my stupid mouth" moments?!!

I know who I am. And I know that I am valuable. And I am a confident mother, with goals and aspirations for my life. I am a giver and a lover, but when I see people from my past, the people that knew me at my weakest point {and before}.... Something freaks me out, and I either say too much or too little. For whatever reason I get SO awkward. Laughable AFTER the fact, for sure.

Tonight, was one of those nights. I generally don't care what people think of me, but for whatever reason, I always care about one particular crowd. I feel emotionally fried. Don't get me wrong, I was so glad to see everyone that was there! I just psych myself out.

What A Great Weekend It Was

Is it just me, or does one FANTASTIC evening outweigh all of the stress from a hellish week?? Last week, I felt like, was never going to end. From Monday to Saturday, I was basically living at work. {We're short staffed and hiring 16 newbies by October, so if your looking for part time work. Here's my plug for the U Village Anthropologie} The days that I was initially scheduled off, I found myself working an extra long shift. The days that I was intended to be off in the afternoon, I was found staying an extra few hours and the time I was scheduled to arrive slowly crept closer to the time that I WANTED to be rolling out of my bed, and getting a cup O' joe. Needless to say, last week was long. {BTW - I am thrilled that my managers think of me as one of the "more capable" new-er hires, and I am also thrilled that I made some extra money this week :)} On top of the working, it's fall and Jacob started full time kindergarten this year, we're trying to find our groove for the school year and Trey is home while Jakie and I are gone. It's a period of adjustment for my whole little family!

Anywho, back to my original thought. I had been looking forward to last Saturday for weeks. I had a dinner planned with great friends, it was my one night without the kids, I REALLY wanted to enjoy the life I have a little bit!

Saturday could not have been a slower, fast paced day at work... As soon as I got off, I headed straight for the restaurant my friends were at. We had great food, took some great pictures, talked about how much we missed each other and we were all so excited to get together. {did I mention the bulk of our group were all together just four hours prior to dinner taking place.... yeah, we're all THAT close :P} After dinner, we went to Unicorn, such a fun place with a great atmosphere. Our group slowly began to fizzle, and the 5 of us remaining, decided to go dancing! Best. Idea. Ever. I kid you, not. It was amazing!

Upon walking into this dance place, I ran into a familiar face, which was fun... but as we settled into our place on the dance floor I realized there were a TON of old friends/classmates there, as well! It was so great to reconnect with so many great people. And to end this night of fun, I was walking to my car and it was like the sky opened up and dumped a few thousand gallons of water on the streets of Seattle. I couldn't help but laugh, and there was no way to keep from getting soaked... so.... like a child, I puddle jumped my way back to the car.

I don't know why this night was so magically blissful, but it was exactly what I needed. The perfect end to a long, stressful week!

I have to say, it was so much fun to let go of my inhibitions and jump through the puddles like I was the only one in the city! When I finally made it to my car, all I could do was laugh.... BIGGEST DORK EVER!!!!

Then next day, I woke up to go to work, but in a different way. I photographed an event that was held at my store. It was so much fun! I have to say, right now, it is so easy for me to find the sweet center of what seems to be a hard sour life. I know it's just for now, but it is so good. I'm all about finding the beauty in the letdown, but when the beauty is just handed to you on a platter, take it! Embrace every moment of those times! It far outweighs the letdown.


Until next time.


angela

A Meaningful Life

All too often, the real meaning of life, and of course being a believer, is GREATLY overlooked. We get caught up in our performance and how we are perceived by others. That brings me to the question of, where does that get me? Will the approval of onlookers leave me satisfied with my situation? Will an overflowing closet give me peace and overwhelming joy in life, even when times are tough? I'm gonna venture to say...NO! No matter how much I have, or how much people like me, I'm left feeling empty. Left feeling like it will never be enough.

That brings me to my point, this life is to be lived in LOVE. Cheese ball, right?!! But seriously, we are creatures that are created to love. We thrive on affection. Be honest, when we're not feeling loved, we are having a no good, crumby day!! That is where our amazing creator comes in. He, even though not visible to the eye, is always there with His arms WIDE open! We just need to be willing to receive.

Another thing that I feel compelled to point out is, there is not one person that is perfect or deserving of this love. There is a reason it is unconditional! What an exhilarating notion!!!! This means that it doesn't matter what I've done, or where I've been, He's still there - loving me! We all know that I'm a piece of work... I'll say it again, my life is less than "IDEAL" on so many levels! And it is especially no where near worthy of having the God of the universe love me! I don't know how you feel about that. It is SO not my place to judge, but I know for sure that once you allow the love of God to really wash over you, life feels that much more meaningful! Live a life of love! It is absolutely worth it!

Until Next Time, angela

Rust and Turquoise Paint

This last month or two has been a whirlwind for me! {I know... you're surprised... {SHE SAYS, DRIPPING WITH SARCASM}}

The car thing turned out to be a MAJOR misunderstanding. I'll spare you the petty details and cut to the chase - the car was taken by my ex's, ex-fiance... her name was on the loan and she had the right to take the car. I know the way that she executed her right was very... NOT right. {I want to STRESS to you, I have been very frustrated by the way things happened, but I have dealt with it and let it go} Now the only thing that hasn't been sorted out is getting my belongings from the car. Needless to say, we have to pick our battles. It may not be worth my breath.

There are so many things in my life to be thankful for - and more than ever - when times are tough it helps to focus on the good in every situation.

I was recently spending time with a great friend, and we were talking {over great wine and AMAZING baked figs wrapped in bacon and stuffed with goat cheese} about life, and how ideals and reality rarely cross the same path. We determined that, although life throw's curve balls, we make the choice to {in the most realistic way possible} romanticize the world. {TRULY FINDING THE 'BEAUTY IN THE LETDOWN'} Wow, how cliche' was that?

But honestly, there is so much beauty to be seen. We overlook all the details. The friend I was with the other night, recently went to Africa. She shares in my love for the world, and the beauty to be found in brokenness. {She too, is a shutter bug, and takes beautiful photos} She told me a story that struck me. At one of the places she stayed, there was an old rusty pipe coming from a vibrant turquoise painted wall. She knelt down to take a photo {credit to Keira Ferguson for photo link} of it, and was questioned by a local "overcomer". {someone that once lived in the slums, and has found Jesus and a new life} He wondered why she was taking a picture of an old pipe. She replied with, something like this {but not EXACTLY...remember people, there was wine involved}: The contrast of the rust and turquoise is breathtaking.

She didn't expect him to understand. And I'm not sure that he did. I'm not even sure that the link I added was the picture she was referencing. {However, it is indeed one of her photo's from that trip}

This story, though simple, holds a valuable life lesson. It reminds me how much I want to see beyond what is matter-of-fact. I desire, so deeply to be able to see the striking contrast between rust and turquoise paint. Isn't that what this life is all about? Finding the love and beauty in the cracks?! I love it. I hope that you want this, too. In my personal opinion, it is easily found through a camera lens. How do you see the beauty in the letdown? Tell me a story!

until next time,

angela

PS: THIS is the link to my Flickr photostream. ENJOY!

I'm Back!

I am SO SO sorry about neglecting my blog for this LONG! It's been nearly two months since my last post! And I am pleased to announce that I now have internet, and there will be many-a-posts to follow! As for now, I am off to dream land. Until next time!

angela

A Blessing in Disguise

These last few weeks have been pretty "dramatic". On the fourth, my car was stolen from my driveway. All that I felt to be a necessity, was in my car. The boys car seats, Treys stroller, my guess sandals, my sun hat, my bible and the "MOST IMPORTANT" {DRUM ROLL....} my all consuming, app for everything, link to the outside world... My cell phone. I can honestly say that, MOMENTARILY, my heart sank to my toes and my stomach leap into my throat.

I spent a great portion of the following days thinking about all that had been wrongfully taken from me. Rendering my children and I "stuck", so to speak. I made the calls that needed to be made. And luckily, the big things were insured. But, I was having a hard time being out of touch with what I considered to be "reality". {facebook, twitter, my friends} All the while, MY reality was right in front of my face. The "cyberness" is 100% an escape. {THIS IS NOT A NEW CONCEPT, BUT I NEEDED A REMINDER} I was able to spend some AMAZING time with my boys! We made origami, we played outside, colored...so many fun things!! Concentrated, uninterrupted time was needed for ALL parties.

I realize that, everything that was taken - it's all just STUFF - distractions from what is TRULY important in my life. I ended up receiving my replacement cell phone on Friday, but I am making a conscious effort to put it aside and focus on my AWESOME kids!

I hope that who ever stole my car needed it more than I did.

I feel that there can be joy and peace in ANY situation, you just have to dig deep to find it! {ITS NOT EASY, AND IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU WILL BE HAPPY!!! IT'S OKAY TO BE UPSET!!} This event, has not only been a minor bump in the road of life, but it has also been an eye opening blessing!

Repeat...repeat....repeat

Sometimes, the words just don't come easily. Either that or the previous "message" is on repeat...

"pain, on pain, on play repeating. With a back-up, make shift life in waiting..."

This is a line from one of my favorite songs, by Imogen Heap. {SHE IS AMAZING {SIDE NOTE: I WENT TO HER CONCERT LAST MONDAY AND SHE BLEW ME AWAY} IF YOU'RE NOT FAMILIAR WITH HER MUSIC - ACQUAINT YOURSELF, HERE} This line runs through my head frequently! It sounds a bit bazaar that such a sorrow-filled lyric would permeate itself in my daily "doings", but it holds an astounding amount of truth! We get comfortable with our day-to-day process, and continually repeat the same mistakes, OVER and OVER again!

What it {THIS PAIN} repeats itself as, in my life, is: SELF WORTH! {OR THE LACK THERE OF} Sometimes, I feel, if i could just tweak, and or nix my past, I find myself a little more valuable. Can anyone relate?! Its the twisted thought of, "If I hadn't done THAT, I would be more deserving of THIS!" WRONG!!! I am realizing that what I've done, and where I've been DOES NOT define me, however, it HAS shaped who I am, today!

"You cannot amputate your history from your destiny!"
-Beth Moore

Let me break it down for you: If in my short life, I hadn't been broken in the ways that I have been, I would have missed out on so much! The joy of having children, the love for people that I have discovered, the growth that has come, and continues to come... the list goes on!!! My life is less than ideal on so many levels, but the passion that comes from the experience, far surpasses the pain and suffering that I've endured!!

Back to the repetition part of this post, {I TEND TO RUN ON TANGENTS! FORGIVE ME?} As much as it hurts, our mistakes repeat themselves over and over until we've learned what we're intended to learn. Sometimes it takes a while for the light bulb to flip on, but i guarantee, my friend, once it does - It. Is. Good!

There is so much hope and so many blessings to come! Just a few weeks ago, my pastor described it like this: {MY WORDS, NOT HIS} Transformation {the painful part} feels like the end of existences.

When a babe is being born, that baby is scared. Scared to the point where it believes IT IS OVER! What that baby doesn't know is the pure and simple factor that a FULL life awaits just beyond this stage of transition.

Friend, after the pain, THERE IS LIFE!!! I'm not sure you know just how excited this is to me! I hope you can join my excitement, in this!

E-mail if you want! I'd love to hear from you! I hope you enjoy!

until next time,


angela

sorry for the errors.... I'm running late! :D

Fixated

"For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don't look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever."

2 Corinthians 4:17, 18

Life can be so confusing! I will NOW run the risk of sounding like a broken record, in saying:

WE CANNOT SEE THE BIGGER PICTURE!!!

Just when I began to feel like I had figured out enough that I wouldn't have to see the future, I started thinking about NEW dilemma's, that could hinder my well-being... Life can literally turn on a DIME. You'd think after 2 unplanned pregnancies, {one at 17, and the other at 21} I would have that theory figured out! {DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT TELLING YOU THAT I AM PREGNANT! LETS PUT THAT TO REST before IT EVEN POSES AS A QUESTION.} What I am talking about is this: things seem great, BETTER THAN YOU IMAGINED, at one moment, and the next your on you're knees wondering if that circumstance will EVER be within your reach. I am a firm believer in the fact that, if it is the desire of your heart, God will in some way bring satisfaction to those desires, as long as you are actively pursuing - no, SEEKING His will for your life.

Where I get caught up is when I feel that desire is almost at a point where I can grasp it, and it just slips through the CrAcKs. I forget that my timing is anything BUT perfect. My timing is selfish, and Gods timing - well, His timing is perfect. PURE. When I am ready, He will provide me with exactly what I need. For all of us, this NEED {desire} is different. It could be a dream job, love, a home to call your own, children - whatever that may look like for you, I encourage you to fix your eyes on things above and not the ROAD BLOCKING, circumstances you may be living, in this moment. Fix your gaze on the One with the perfect timing, and EVERYTHING will fall into place. {it's not going to be easy, but it's worth it!} Until next time!

angela

Whirl Wind!

This week has been CRAZY, busy so far! I'm working at Anthropologie, and there is so much to learn there! Register training was on Sunday, and I seemed to absorb that like a spounge - however fitting room training was yesterday.... Oh. My. Lord.... I was SO not expecting that! Customers, one on top of the other, rooms to clear, clothes to process, people to greet, sizes to check, boards to write on, go backs to do....{gasping for air!} all while staying calm and collected, in an orderly, timely, graceful manner!



Ah... at the end of the day, I would say that I did fairly well {for a newbie}. In the moment, though... shoot me in the foot!



I am realizing the parallels between a retail fitting room and life, itself. {CORN BALL ALERT {AT LEAST I'M WARNING YOU}} I so often get caught up in the now, that I RARELY take a step back to see the progress that I have made, over the years. I know this is not a new concept that I am bringing to light, and I have shared before the importance of celebrating the small victories, but it is a re-occurring message that is being brought to my attention.



It is so easy to get lost in the hustle and bustle of LIFE, and we all too seldom, remember where we COME FROM, where we ARE GOING, and the DRIVING FORCE BEHIND OUR TASK.



Let's be honest, I begin things with pride and arrogance, and REGULARLY, I am reminded that I'm NOT living for myself. {And let me tell you, it is NOT an elegant process!!!} I have been bRoKeN and Restored through ONE channel, and that is God. I am living because He created me! He created me in His image, to bring Him glory. NOT to glorify myself, in my accomplishments - or anyone else!

What are YOU living for? Are you serving a higher power, or are you going it alone, to build yourself up? And if I may ask, are you really satisfied in and of yourself? I know I'm not.



I love comments and discussion. If your not interested in posting a comment, I would love it if you'd email me your thoughts!





Until Next Time,



angela

Details, Details!

"We must do well in our unique way in order to reveal the vast creativity of a God who loves to bring change through the most unlikely channels."

-Dan B. Allender

I am absolutely ecstatic about the doors that are being opened in my life!

Friendships are thriving, I have a new job with the opportunity to share my story and listen to others. LISTENING is the part that I am most looking forward to. I LOVE to hear about the things that are happening in other peoples lives. The big, the little and everything in between!

Take time to celebrate the small victories in your life! We have a tendency to skip over the details, but it is in the details that I {personally} get the most satisfaction.

On this post are some photos that I took last spring. My camera is a tool that helps me re-connect with creation, and to really appreciate the common details of life!

Sometimes, listening is being silent before nature, and absorbing the fact that someone greater, created all this for US!! A master artist. I would challenge you {the few readers that I have} to pay attention to the details! To stop and cherish the trees and the grass. Try to really wrap your mind around the miracle of creation! I can almost bet that it will blow you away, if you will let it! I hope that you will take this challenge seriously! {c'm on! it'll be really fun!}Once you've done this, I would LOVE to hear about your experience!! What is being revealed to you through the WONDER of creation?

I can't wait to hear from YOU! {{DON'T be shy!}}

Until Next Time,

Angela

Like an Island

Sometimes it seems, NO MATTER how many friends or how much support- I can't help but feel alone. I'm not sure how or why, but I AM an island. Isolated.

Am I alone in this feeling?

There is a constant buzz of children at PLAY, and there is almost always someone to talk to - however, this lonely feeling is hard to sHaKe.

The last 6MONTHS have been lawyers, court, life changes and epiphanies. Now that there's a lull in the madness, I'm feeling the calm. {in a way that I'm not sure I'm ready to feel it...}Trying to find REST in the quite times is a REAL challenge! I want to be relishing in the PURE and SIMPLE fact that my life has settled for once!! I would love to cherish the time that I have with my sweet boys, and I do - I LOVE IT - but not with the fullness that I hope for.

I'm freaking out, a little bit, inside...

I have taken on MORE sewing projects than I can possibly accomplish, right now... I want to get lost in any and every thrift store I can find.... why do I NEED to be SO busy that I'm stressing myself out?

THANKS, ALL FOR LETTING ME VENT! If it's any consolation, I may not have found a resoloution, but I feel better now that I've gotten it out!

Until next time,

angela

Just Me

{read on... these are the lamps that I found the day that I was talking with my friend}

I am an avid thrifty! I LOVE to hunt for treasures!!!

I often find myself MeAnDeRiNg through second hand shops, thinking up a story for the {select} pieces that I will call my own. [DORK ALERT!!!]

My typical "routine" for thrifting is:

*{MILK}GLASS*

*NOTIONS*

*LAMPS*

*ART* {sometimes}

*PURSES*

*CLOTHING*

*JEWELRY*

I was telling a friend the other day that I REALLY wanted to thrift some MILK GLASS LAMPS. And how I enjoy the satisfaction from actually finding things for myself! There is a gratification that comes with having a piece that is completely my own, something that would be HARD to duplicate...

that leads me to the depth of this post...

Every person {living thing} is unique to themselves. We are made with different strengths, different weaknesses, and individual ideas. We strive - no, no - we thrive on becoming individualistic or unique. {I may be speaking for my self, so please correct me if I'm wrong!!} We get caught up in what will set us apart from the rest. I tend to FORGET the fact that I don't need to try to be individual - I just am. I have been made special. {maybe, not the best selection of wordage} I am not someone that can be or will be duplicated. It is true that there will be others with similar trates, skills, etc. but NO ONE will ever be me. I believe that God has a very specific calling for every person! Just like my thrifting treasures, He's hand picked to be impossible to duplicate! He made me precisly the way that I am. Every strength, every weakness, every emotional and physical wound that I have... That is what sets me apart.

Denouement

"AN UNTYING, A RELAXING OF A KNOT OF COMPLEXITY"

Over the course of the last few months, {it may be safe to say the last few YEARS} I have come to realize the CoMpLeXiTy of my life and path that I have chosen to embark upon. My life is complicated, messy, hard to follow and just plain CHAOTIC! It's unknown to most {present company [myself] included} why I made, and continue to make the choices that I have... It is now that I am begining to see the bigger picture. The reason for all the stress. THE REASON IS SIMPLE: If it weren't for the "ratsnest" in my life I would not be able to see THE BEAUTY IN THE LETDOWN.

You see, to me this is not mearly a fancy TITLE for my blog, it is a phrase that has kept me searching for the hints, the hidden treasures that life {God} has dropped in my lap. This is my DENOUEMENT. Right here, {amidst the chaos, and the noise} I find peace knowing that I am learning, and GROWING into the person that I have been created to be!! That person is made to LOVE unconditionally, and to be there for those in need. Not only have my experiences shaped who I am today, they have opened my eyes to something powerful! One day, I dream of being able to help people through the tustles of LIFE. Until then, this will suffice! And I'm happy with it!

Angela

A Fresh Start

Hello blogging world!

I am at a crossroads, and a new chapter is about to unfold in my life! I am choosing to start this blog so I can share bits and pieces of my story with anyone that wants to join me!

If there is one thing that I have learned in the last year, it is that we are all part of something greater than ourselves. Something amazing! We are a tiny thread in a ginormous tapistry, called life. Please, join me on my adventures and epiphanies! I have a CRAZY life, so there will be laughing, crying and anything in between {boring}... I don't have a computer, but I will be posting at least once a week! Feel free to comment! Enjoy!